07 Will They Ever Know?

The next morning, coming out of the house was a brutal slap in the face, because the cold air smelled like sulfur, it was gunpowder. It took me a second to recognize the smell, it gave me chills. I will never forget the feeling.

We got in the car and before we closed the doors, we were immediately approached by Territorial Defense members who were patrolling the streets. These are all civilians who signed up to defend the country behind the frontline, they were registered and given a weapon. Three or four approached us, all dressed in camo clothes, a yellow band around the arm, and big semi-automatic guns. I felt respect for these guys, some in their 30’s, one of them well into his 60’s, but determined to stop the invaders. They talked to Stas, I don’t know what they said.

Stas and Zhenya drove us to the checkpoint, set at a big highway crossroads with most of the lanes closed. This was not Territorial Defense, these were the Ukrainian Armed Forces, anti-tank hedgehogs everywhere, and many barriers made out of concrete and sand bags. About 20-30 soldiers walking around, armed to the teeth. We stopped and a soldier came to the window to ask where we were going and to check our passports, then he had a short conversation with Stas. I’m not sure of what was said but they let us through. Stas told me that he was going to drive us all the way to the subway station, saving us a good hour and a half.

Again I started crying, Rita held my hand and asked me if I was scared, if I had never seen so many weapons before. “It’s not that” I said, stopping myself from saying more. In my head, I was looking out the window thinking, what if this is the last time we see Stas and Zhenya? What if we all die before getting to the subway? Who’s gonna let the rest of the family know what happened? Will they ever know? Is any part of the life we knew coming back at some point?

They dropped us at the station, got out of the car and gave us a hug. Both of them smiled and wished us luck, I was so close to start crying again “Thank you so, so much” is all I could say, and we parted ways.