04 Just Wait
Those first two days went by too fast, I’m not even sure if we spent 2 or 3 nights with our relatives. On the second or third day, we got word that there was a bomb shelter less than 1km away, in the basement of a school, and we discussed if we should move there.
Everyone was hesitant to go outside, or to see if the shelter was accessible and safe; Rita and I volunteered to go scouting. It was past noon, and explosions were only heard during the morning, so we planned a run for it.
We went out of the house and around the corner of the block, we weren’t sure if there were going to be more explosions so I suggested we should at least jog. It only took us a few minutes to find the place. Families were coming in, parking cars nearby. The school was really big, 4 or 5 stories high, and the entrance to the basement was on the left side. We went in and we found a few barricaded windows, and enough space to accommodate all of us. We didn’t go deep into the shelter, just the first floor down, and then we went back to the house. We told everyone that the shelter was a good option, and we all grabbed out stuff, the cats, and moved there.
Once in the shelter, we thought it was not the best idea to stay on the first floor down, which was halfway above ground with some windows, so we went deep in it. This is where I found what I was fearing all along: many elderly people, too many women and children, all sitting on floor mats and a few dozens of chairs; and space was more limited that on the surface floor, obviously. We found a small space and our relatives got a few foam mats. We sat on the floor, ate buterbrod and tried to nap. I don’t even know what time it was, but I felt really tired, and extremely sad. Even though there were two kids nearby playing a variation of a squid game, singing and all, I kept thinking of how many of these children will grow up remembering this, how the future looks for them, how I wish with all my heart that they’re all still alive right now, somewhere safe.
At some point Rita and I went to the bathroom, which was inconveniently on the second floor of the school, and while I was waiting for her to come out, the air raid siren started blaring. Most people in the hallway or coming out of the bathroom ran downstairs again; a babushka going up didn’t care, she just wanted to use the bathroom.
We sat on the floor again, we were quiet even though most people were just talking among themselves, but we didn’t hear any explosions. We were not sure if nothing happened, or if we were too deep into the ground to hear anything. Rita started crying, I hugged her and I couldn’t stop myself from crying too. It’s hard to reassure someone when you yourself are not so sure of what’s gonna happen, or if things are gonna improve anytime soon. Masha kept telling Rita that everything was going to be ok. Two women sitting across from us couldn’t stop staring at me, I felt uncomfortable at first, but then I thought that I didn’t rally care. I felt impotence of not being able to make Rita feel better, I felt anger and rage at the situation, and I quickly realized that we didn’t have a plan or anything to look forward to. We were slowly condemning ourselves to wait. I don’t know for what, or who. Just wait.
We spent most of the day in the shelter, coming outside for short periods of time to get fresh air, even though most people who went out were smoking; we had to walk a few meters away from the entrance every time. At some point while we were outside, we heard what seemed to be an air raid siren, we all got startled and headed to the entrance, until a man told us that the sound was the heating kicking in at a nearby warehouse. I noticed how uncomfortable I was feeling being outside, even without explosions or planes, and with a clear blue sky above.
We had a short family talk and decided to spend the night back in the house. We thought that the probability of a bomb in the house or in the school was more or less the same, after all, we knew Russians were bombing anything and everything. We also thought that we would be more comfortable at home, and we had sheltered spaces anyway. So we headed back to spend the night before it got dark.